I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
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fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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