I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
