i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
