Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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