Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
