Apparently you make a good broom.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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