Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
