so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
