it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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