All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
