Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i think i just lost a toe
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
is it fun? or sober?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize