when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
