using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
