He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
