My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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