but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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