while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
