dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
