Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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