my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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