My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
