So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
