Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
