this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
