My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
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In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
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I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize