i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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