So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
