just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
