I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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