she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
