Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
