I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
