In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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