I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
