I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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