The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
