omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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