Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Come on in and take your pants off
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