dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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