Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize