guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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