I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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