seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
