Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
