Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
