yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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