I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
