i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
