he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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