peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize