You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
