I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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