I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
