yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Randomize
