I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
