My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
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I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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