she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
