im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
