Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
