and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
