I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I intend to get homeless drunk
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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