She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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