i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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