My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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